


All I Ask of You

by cj_jensen9



Category: Attack on Titan, Ereri - Fandom, Levi x Eren - Fandom, Riren - Fandom, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, aot
Genre: Death, Fanfic, Fluff, Gay, Light BDSM, M/M, Sad, Smut, Titan, Titans, YOAI, Yuri, ereri, fan fiction, levi x eren - Freeform, riren - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-26
Updated: 2015-09-10
Packaged: 2018-04-11 06:57:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4425749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cj_jensen9/pseuds/cj_jensen9
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>" Team Levi is spectacular as a team but I feel like I somehow don’t fit in, well of course I don’t fit in, the only reason I am still here and living is by the graces of Captain Levi. And I was reminded that I was only alive because he wanted me to be, by the bruises and three broken ribs that he had given me just two days prior at the court meeting deciding my fate. I cant really blame him for being so harsh on me, because he only views me as an object or weapon to be used against the Titans in the war. I don’t hate him, that is after all why I signed up in the first place for the survey corps! I want nothing more than to avenge my mother and end the Titan race, I have no other purpose. I cant have another purpose. That’s why I am like I am, a monster." HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOY LEAVE COMMENTS! LOVE YOU ALL <333 peace out</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> READ THIS PLZ!  
> Hi Guys so this is a Attack on Titan Ereri Fanfic! It takes place in the actual AOT universe! So yes, we will have titans! I am loosely following the plot of the anime/manga but I will be changing things to make it my own. There will be butt stuff ;) so mentally prepare yourself for that! I hope that you guys enjoy it! I have the first 3 chapters written so I will post them about every four days until I am fully caught up then the updates will be about once a week! This is ultimately going to be about a 30ish chapter fic! Well I hope you like it! peace out! The future chapters will be MUUCHHH longer once we get more into the plot!

Chapter one  
Eren's POV

The sunlight poured through the small crack in the floor that I called my window. So it was morning I thought to myself.  
That small crack in the floor was my only intimation at what time it could possibly in the outside world. While, I, on the other hand was trapped in the cell of confinement due to my "abilities". I was only allowed out for a bit during the day when I got to run experiments with Hanji and the rest of the group.  
Team Levi is spectacular as a team but I feel like I somehow don’t fit in, well of course I don’t fit in, the only reason I am still here and living is by the graces of Captain Levi. And I was reminded that I was only alive because he wanted me to be, by the bruises and three broken ribs that he had given me just two days prior at the court meeting deciding my fate.  
I cant really blame him for being so harsh on me, because he only views me as an object or weapon to be used against the Titans in the war. I don’t hate him, that is after all why I signed up in the first place for the survey corps! I want nothing more than to avenge my mother and end the Titan race, I have no other purpose. I cant have another purpose. That’s why I am like I am, a monster.  
I heard a soft knock on the door followed by an ever softer voice, "Hey Eren? May I come in?" It was Petra.  
Petra was a unique person, she was kind to everyone, she had this wonderfully beautiful personality that just lit up the room and she was one of the only people that actually treated me like a human being with feelings.  
"Of course you can come in, Petra." I replied behind bars.  
Petra waltzed through the door swaying her hips side to side, something I noticed she has been doing more frequently. She had the most beautiful golden locks of hair that fell gently right past her shoulder, onto her collarbone. Her eyes were also a piercing gold color with dark brown rings framing them. She didn’t need makeup, she was naturally stunning and she never did wear it. Her body was something to fall to awe over, she wasn’t extremely thin nor was she too muscley from all the training we withstand; but a mixture of both and in all the right places. Her uniform hugged her waist but was loose around her mid-drift, making her a favorite around the men in the corps. However I was very different from most men in the Survey Corps when it came to romantic interests.  
"Captain Levi wants you to come eat with us today and from now on, I hope he will start to give you a little freedom now that he knows you're not going to try to kill us all." She beamed at that thought.  
I however was appalled by that statement, "Why the fuck would anyone think I was trying to kill anyone?" I was now infuriated by the thought that they didn’t trust me? I made the same sacrifice they did, I worked just as hard to get here, if not harder. My blood was pulsing through my body at an outrageous rate. My judgment was clouded by my confusion on why they couldn’t trust me.  
Petra's voice was more harsh this time, "Eren its not that we don’t want to trust you, its just you have to look at the circumstances; you are in some weird way a Titan, the exact thing we are trying to eradicate. Its not that we don’t like you or don’t want to trust you, we just have to make sure that somehow the Titans who we believe to have minimal intelligence are still what we think them to be. We needed to be 100% sure that you are not somehow a spy for them trying to infiltrate our ranks. Do you understand me Eren?" Her gaze softened as she saw the realization set in on my face.  
"Yes, I do understand. I didn’t look at it that way before." I forced through my teeth. It was hard admitting I was wrong and seeing it through her perspective, but it was something I was going to have to get used to if I wanted to be apart of Team Levi.  
"I know its hard now, but trust me you're gaining trust. Soon you will be fully accepted as one of us!" She chuckled, "And yes, that does also mean helping out with Levi's ridiculous cleaning sprees."  
I couldn’t help but feeling overjoyed at even that little sentiment. I wanted to help clean and cook or even just eat with the team so it felt like I belonged. Ever since I got to the rustic castle where I was to be spending the next few weeks, I have shared nothing but sheer admiration for Captain Levi, he seems like such a strong and independent man. I hope to someday become half as strong of a person that he is. But there was something more that I longed from him, something not entirely conventional.  
Petra unchained the padlock that was separating her and I then the ones shackled to my feet to keep confined to the small 15ft x 15ft cell that I currently called my home. I thanked her, and then we started heading toward the stairwell that led up to the living quarters of the rest of the team. We shared quite chitchat walking up the stairwell, giggles and chuckles spilled through our mouths as we made petty jokes about Levi in his cleaning attire. As we made our way up to the last padlocked door I saw a figure sulking in the confines of the shadows. My breathe hitched as I realized that this dark shadow was in fact Captain Levi. "Damn it" I swore under my breathe hoping that the humanities strongest didn’t hear me earlier giggling about what we wears as he scrubs the castle to perfection and how he looks like a "Cleaning Fairy".  
"Oi brat, I do not look like a "Cleaning Fairy". I just don’t want your fucking filth everywhere in my living quarters." He spewed with anger dripping off of his thin lips. His brows were pinched together showing his annoyance with me. So I guess he did hear me. Petra giggled next to me.  
"Levi, you're being to hard on the kid, we all think you super cute when you wear your cleaning uniform." She let a few more careless laughs fall from her mouth before Levi gave her a glance that wiped the smile right off of her face.  
"Get upstairs, the both of you. Breakfast is already ready." He scowled, then matched his stride with ours making him walk right alongside me. I was thankful for the moment of darkness, for my cheeks were flushed a bright red color.  
We walked through a thin hallway that led to the kitchen and dining area. There was a single cafeteria-style table with benches on either sides of the table. Eld, Gunther and Hanji were already at the table with plates in front of them, but they hadn't taken a bite yet. Were they waiting for us? I thought to myself. Is this what teams do?  
"Where's that asshole Olou?" Petra demanded.  
"He's taking a message back to headquarters, he should be back soon!" Squealed Hanji as she ripped my arm down to sit next to her. Everyone took their seats; Petra to the right of me, Gunther adjacent to Hanji, Eld facing Petra, and Levi sitting across from me. I could feel my face warming up, I dropped my eyes to my plate. Eggs, toast and two pieces of sausage. I had never had sausage before because meat was very difficult to find in my District. I heard everyone talking around me carrying on normal conversations and I studied my plate. I felt that it was safe to look up and see all my fellow team mates. Just as I started to move my eyes up, I was met with Captain Levi's icy gaze. His eyes were pure silver, they were so cold and unforgiving. My eyes wondered to the rest of his face, his hair was raven black with a freshly done undercut that outlined the shape of his head. His lips formed a thin line that curved into a permanent scowl. My eyes wondered back up to his, this time I saw something different in his eyes. Was that a hint of curiosity? His eyes challenged me, I tilted my head to the side as if to ask him why. In an instant his eyes were distant and cruel again. It left me wondering what in the world could that man be thinking?


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It was none other than Humanities Strongest looking at me dead in the eye. There was something in his eyes that was different from than any other time that I had looked into them before; concern and a hint of sadness. He made it obvious that he knew that this "act" that I was putting on was just to mask the sadness that was carving a hole straight through me. I dropped the whole act of trying to be happy for a split second to let Captain Levi see how distraught I truly was. I didn’t want sympathy, I didn’t want someone to hold my hand and say, "Its going to be okay." Because I knew it wasn’t going to be okay and I was never going to be okay again. I was a monster and everyone around me knew. I wanted him to knew that some part of me, the majority of me was still human; that I had emotions too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys so I am back! I want to update it as quickly as possible so we can get caught up! Chapter 3 will be up tomorrow, we will get some slight ereri moments tomorrow, but it is a rather angsty chapter itself! Alright well I don't have a lot of time to write this but I will see ya later! :) Hope you enjoy! oh and chapter three and on from there are going to be soooo much longer too!

Chapter Two   
Eren's POV

I have never in my entire existence felt something so gentle and wonderful touch my own lips. It felt so right, I parted my lips slightly to let the foreign object into my mouth, it brushed past my teeth and slithered onto my tongue; juices spilled into my mouth. I rolled my eyes back in sheer and utter pleasure. I almost let out a slight whimpering moan.  
I was snapped back to reality when I was met by another questioning glare from Levi, I also noticed the entire table was silent, looking at me awkwardly.   
"Oi, brat are you okay?" Levi was hesitant to ask. I just realized what scene I must have made. I slapped my hand over my face in embarrassment. I felt the red hot blood moving to my cheeks, forcing my face to turn a new shade of bright red. I was reluctant to remove the hand from my face, I cant believe I made such a huge scene over something so small and petty.   
"I've never had meat before." I let out as a shy whisper. "I got overwhelmed."  
I was surprised to hear laughing erupting from the lips of my fellow teammates. I parted my fingers slightly to see what had become of Team Levi. Petra was trying to hide her laughter with one hand over her mouth, Gunther was just sitting there chuckling with a palm pressed against his head. Eld was just looking at me with the most peculiar grin on his face, like I had just received a blessing from the viande god. There was some truth in that, I just in some way I was just seeing the holy light of meat for the first time. Hanji was a complete different story, she was laughing and snorting profusely, tears spilled from her eyes as one hand was banging on the table as if to show how funny this really was, and the other was grabbing my plate and shoving all the meat that she had on hers onto mine.  
"If someone is taking your meat virginity, it will be me!" She screamed at the top of her lunges, which made me shrivel back into my seat even further.  
I was so embarrassed, but at the same time I could feel something in the bottom of my chest, something warm was starting to engulf me. For the first time in a long time I felt genuinely happy, I felt in some odd way at home. I could really belong with these people, I could have a family again. Of course that included Armin and Mikasa! I'm sure they would love it here too. A thought crossed my mind, maybe they would join the Survey Corps? I was immediately appalled by the thought, no way did I want them in this sort of danger. I couldn’t have them risking their lives just because I was in the Survey Corps. This isn't the life that they want, they deserve more than not knowing if they’ll come home after the next mission, or the one after that. They didn’t need to see each other die just so I could be happy.  
I pushed that thought out of my head, and wiped the severe look off my face and replaced it with a lighthearted chucked and joined in on the conversation about Hanji taking my "meat virginity", I didn’t know something so trivial could exist! No one at the table could tell the worry and sadness behind my façade, or so I thought.  
As I was looking around the table, I was met by a face that almost made me shutter in my seat. It was none other than Humanities Strongest looking at me dead in the eye. There was something in his eyes that was different from than any other time that I had looked into them before; concern and a hint of sadness. He made it obvious that he knew that this "act" that I was putting on was just to mask the sadness that was carving a hole straight through me. I dropped the whole act of trying to be happy for a split second to let Captain Levi see how distraught I truly was. I didn’t want sympathy, I didn’t want someone to hold my hand and say, "Its going to be okay." Because I knew it wasn’t going to be okay and I was never going to be okay again. I was a monster and everyone around me knew. I wanted him to knew that some part of me, the majority of me was still human; that I had emotions too.   
The message seemed to sink in, because he raised his eyebrows and let his face soften for just a second, for confirmation that he understood what I was trying to tell him. At the moment I heard something come out of Hanji's mouth that I can never unhear in my entire life.  
"So Eren, did I take your meat virginity or Levi? Because he cooked the meat." She said as if it was a profound statement, I didn’t know what to say so my natural reaction was to cover my face in embarrassment yet again. I peeked through my hands to see Levi's reaction; he came calm and looked like he remained unfazed by the statement.   
"Of course I took the brat's meat virginity. No one by the likes of you could even think to take his meat V-card." He replied as if it was a simple conversation concerning the way he liked milk in his tea. At that statement my face flushed to a whole new level of red, I stood up from my rustic wooden seat and picked up my plate; not quite sure where to put it, I saw Captain Levi point toward the sink. That gesture caused me to blush even more.   
I shamefully walked over to the sink and started rinsing out my plate, just as my mother had taught me. First make sure you get all the food off, not even a little bit left. Next, the water should be very hot so it sanitizes the plate run it under the hot water and add a little bit of soap! This next part was my favorite because I loved bubbles. "You have scrub, scrub, scrub, Eren!" I could almost hear here voice, I felt a single tear race down my face, I let it fall into the sink. I missed her so much but now was not the time to be remembering that tragic day. I continued onto cleaning, the next step after scrubbing was to rinse it under steaming hot water again, and then to dry. I took a towel sitting next to the sink made sure it was clean and rubbed it alongside all the every edge of the plate, being sure to be precise. Once it was dry I put it back in the cupboard, which took me awhile to find.   
"Oi, so the brat knows how to clean? Good, at least I don’t have to teach him much. Unlike all you vermin." Said Levi, leaving no clues whether or not he was being sarcastic or not.   
"Hey, at least I was a decent cleaner when I joined the squad, sir! Hanji was and still is a complete mess!" Yelped Petra, looking sarcastically offended. I heard a horrific scream mixed with an odd laughter that made my heart question its very existence in this world. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a monster slinking into the room crawling on all fours. I was never trained for something like this, all my years of training had gone to shit in this current moment.   
This was none other than a wild Hanji with a the head of a mop slopping on top of her head. She hunched her back over and crawled on both hands and feet, inching closer and closer to me. I slowly backed into a corner, reached for something to stabilize myself, missed then fell flat on my ass. Bearing her teeth as she growled and cackled at the same time, this was the most frightening moment of my entire life. Her drool slipping from her mouth was suddenly making a death trail that let to me, and soon where my corpse would be. Her classes glinted off the sunlight pouring through the window directly above me. I let out the most blood curdling scream; right around then Levi decided to intervene.   
He stood in front of me wearing no gear or anything in defense, he simply had a spray bottle. He took his aim and shot three quick bursts of water, they landed exactly in the middle of Hanji's forehead. She let out a wild hiss at the water and then returned back to her normal (if you could call it that) state. She started mumbling on how if you call her "dirty" she will become the dirt monster herself and unleash all the four gates of hell. This single experience was enough to warn me to never call Hanji dirty. Ever. But the other teammates however, seemed unconcerned at her lavish threat.   
Eventually we heard Captain's voice tower over everyone else's, even though he lacked in the height, "Oi, shut the fuck up. We will be starting training soon, so clean this muck up and meet me outside in exactly thirty minutes." Everyone whimpered, fun time was now over and they had to get to business.   
"Brat." My ears perked up to my new nickname. I turned my head, "Yes sir?"\  
"Come outside immediately. There is something I need to talk to you about." He said solemnly. My ears dropped as I followed him out the door, I knew this couldn’t be pleasant, but a small part of me hoped that it would be completely unrelated to my abilities.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> READ CHAPTER NOTES!  
> A few seconds later, Levi burst into the room with anger in his eyes. "Did someone do this to him." He was worried? I was shocked at the look on his face, it looked like he almost cared. Almost. "No, no one touched him. We walked in when we heard something fall on the floor!" Cried Petra  
> "Get the fuck out, everyone. He's having a panic attack. I'll take care of this.  
> READ CHAPTER NOTES!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter is very angsty and there is a hige mental breakdown so make sure you are all okay to read it bc I want all you lovelies to be happy! on a lighter note we will finally get some Ereri! whoohoo its slight, but its going to progress throughout the work. The next chapter is going to be from Levi'sPOV. I am currently working on chapter four so I hope to get it out to you sometime in the next 2 days! The chapters are going to start to get longer whoohoo! PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS ON WHAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE IN THE STORY AND HOW YOU LIKE IT! thx love you all! peace out.

Chapter Three  
Eren's POV

What did he want to talk to me about? The question burned through my head. My heart raced in my chest as I followed one Captain Levi out of the kitchen. He looked like he was full of animosity, he looked at me with such a hateful glace that it threw me into a slew of thoughts that I produced to comprehend why I deserved those glares. He moved onto the next room but I stayed behind, too afraid to hear what he was going to say. Maybe he was going to throw me back in the dungeon. Maybe he was too paranoid that I was going to kill everyone? Maybe he decided that I wasn’t worth the pain and was going to kill me? A million different thoughts ran through my head, all more terrible than the last. Every step that I took felt like there were lead bars attached to my feet, my stomach was curling, what did I do now. I don’t want to go back to dungeon, I cant go back to the dungeon. Maybe I was better dead, didn’t I deserve that for being some kind of Titan? No one in my life could stand to be around me, and if they could they ended up dead. I should just join them, shouldn't I?

I squeezed my eyes shut, my breathing quickened rapidly; my mind was betraying me. I couldn’t stop thinking about the chains on my ankles confining me to a grungy cell, all the nights I looked at the ceiling sinking into my mind contemplating terrible, terrible things. Things I couldn’t un-think. I thought about the cell bars that seemed to define my life, those iron cylinders that kept me in complete and under isolation. 

My head started getting this intense pulsing in the back down toward my neck, I could barely breathe now, tears were spilling out of my eyes. Every time I even tried to breathe in, my eyes would picture a different, even more haunting image, and each felt like a stab right through the center of my heart. I couldn’t handle this, not this much stress, not now. My mind started to completely shut down. 

My knees gave out, I fell, in what felt like slow motion. First I hit my arm on a ledge that I was using as support, then my knees made contact with the solid wood floors letting out a bone-crushing crack. My hips were next to make contact with the floor, then my shoulders came to a shuddering halt as they slammed against the floor. I couldn’t feel a thing, I couldn’t feel any physical pain. But the mental pain was a whole different story, my brain was resurfacing all my old memories and making me watch every second of it. I couldn't shut it off, my own mind wouldn't let me. 

My mother let out a scream, "Go Eren! Run as fast as you can and don’t look back, everything will be okay." Her body was crushed under our little house, she had the most beautiful smile on her face that almost convinced me that things would be okay. I felt the earth start to tremble, a gigantic body came from the background. A disgusting smile was plastered on his face, showing every single one of his teeth. He was a Titan, and he was going to ruin my entire life. He picked up my mother and shook the debris away from her, slowly bringing her to his eye level. Only then did someone throw me on their back and start running away from my mother, I screamed at the top of my lunges as a desperate last attempt to save her life. The long haired Titan brought my beloved mother up to his moth and--

"Eren! Eren, what's wrong! Eren!" I heard someone desperately scream, my head was still burning. I started to feel the pain from my fall, my arm was bloody and gushing out everywhere on the floor, my left knee was completely twisted out of place, and there was some hot liquid running down my head, I touched it and saw it was crimson red. My vision was severely blurred for a few moments before it returned back to almost normal, I saw Petra and Hanji crouching down next to me. I still couldn’t control my breathing and I was muttering something along the lines of, "Don’t put me back in there, I don’t want to see it." 

What I guessed to be a few seconds later, Levi burst into the room with anger in his eyes. What the fuck is going on?" Then he saw me huddled on the floor, "Did someone do this to him." He was worried? I was shocked at the look on his face, it looked like he almost cared. Almost.

"No, no one touched him. We walked in when we heard something fall on the floor!" Cried Petra

"Get the fuck out, everyone. He's having a panic attack. I'll take care of this. Resume normal training without me, you are all capable shits." Levi spat towards them. Petra looked hesitant to leave and almost looked like she was going to refuse when Hanji put a hand on her shoulder and shook her head. They needed to follow orders, so they left the room quietly and left Levi all alone in a room with me. I was still shuttering on the floor struggling to breathe, muttering the same sentence, "Don’t make me go back, I cant go back."

Levi's hands almost scared me as he gingerly placed one hand on my back and one underneath my legs, forcing me to sit upright. I couldn’t look at him, tears were spilling down my face and my breathing was rapid and had no consistency. 

"Eren I need you to take a deep breath okay? Can you do that for me?" Levi said very softly into my ear. I tried to take a deep breathe but as soon as I filled my lungs with air, I just ended up choking on my sobs. 

"It’s okay, try it again. Take a big breath, in through your nose." He cooed. This time I was successful in taking a deep breath, then tried taking two more in an attempt to slow down my heart rate. 

"That's great Eren, can you tell me what is wrong?" I had never seen Captain Levi speak to anyone nicely before, it was frightening and comforting all at the same time. 

"I-I cant go back to the dungeon, I cant s-stop thinking about it." The thought of going back down to the muggy chamber made me cringe. The things I thought about in isolation were more terrifying than the room itself. But it held meaning that I was nothing but a monster who could only kill, and cause damage. A shutter ran down my spine.

My eyes were still glued shut, I was afraid of what I would see if I opened them, would he be angry with me, I just freaked out and made such a mess, my blood was everywhere. Would be just "tsk" and then leave me there on the ground like the dirt I really was? Would be take me back to that place that causes my nightmares? My body ached all over from the pain, I definitely broke at least one bone. 

A million things were running through my head and none of them made sense, only when I heard Levi's voice did I come back to reality, "Eren, you are okay, everything is okay. Please just look at me." He whispered this so gently with absolutely no intimation of anger. I finally unclenched my eyelids and let them flutter open to meet his, they were grey with black rings around them, mysterious yet beautiful. I was somehow comforted by his eyes, my breathing returned to normal and now I could only feel the pain from my fall. 

My body ached everywhere, I didn't think that I fell this hard. I just registered that I was bleeding from my head as I reached up to wipe what I thought was sweat off my forehead; I looked back and my hand and saw only the bright red liquid all across my hands.

"Eren, we need to get you up, we can go to my quarters to get you cleaned up, okay?" He said gingerly. He grabbed the end of my shirt and ripped it, any other day I would be pissed off, but I was too focused on not letting the pain get to my head. 

Levi took the cloth and folded it so that it formed a sling, he wrapped my damaged arm in it, then he took one end of the fabric and placed it behind my back. Captain Levi started pulling my arm into place, I almost let out a scream of pain when he thrust he shoulder forward, giving me the go-ahead to bite into it to somehow cope with the pain. I bite in and felt his body tense up, I was hurting him, I tried to lessen the pressure on my bite as much as possible to avoid hurting him as much as I could. My arm was on fire, sending shocks all through my body. As soon as it was in place, he tied a knot at the top of my shoulder with the two ends of fabric forming it into a sling. For a spilt second he looked at the sling almost admiring his handy work. 

He took my undamaged arm and slung it over his shoulder and held onto it with one hand and with the other he wrapped around my waist, pulling the majority of my weight onto his. We started trudging slowly down the hall to where the other soldiers quarters were, passing all the other rooms. It looked like he room was going to be the one at the end of the corridor. Every step was excruciating for me, but I somehow pushed through, I knew I needed to make it just to his room before I could give up. We made it to his door and he unwrapped the hand that was around my waist, putting a bit more weight on my feet; it hurt slightly more but nothing I couldn’t handle. He looked at me for confirmation that I was okay to put on the weight on my feet, I nodded and tried to give him a smile, it failed miserably, I looked like a total mess with blood dripping down my face and tears trying to escape from my eyes, not to mention how red and puffy my face must have been from all the sobbing that I was just doing. He grabbed the door handle and pushed the room open. 

Inside I saw an impeccably clean room. And I mean literally impeccable, nothing was out of place; hell, there was hardly anything in there at all. There was a king sized bed in the middle of the huge room dressed in solid white sheet and comforter, with a wooden nightstand on either side and one at the foot of the bed that resembled a storage chest. The floors were a deep red mahogany with not a speck of dirt. A small black dresser and closet were the only other things in the room.

Captain Levi walked me over to a small hallway in the room which I assumed led to a bathroom, the hallway was only 10 feet long before it opened into another room. My assumptions were correct as we walked in to a perfectly clean double sink bathroom with a separate room for the toilet. Everything was solid white, I couldn't find a single color. 

"I'm going to need you sink on the sink banister okay?" Levi said, his voice wasn’t as soft anymore. I hobbled over and with his help got on the counter. 

The short but deadly man started to tend to my wounds, he grabbed a white towel and ran it under cold water and pressed it to my forehead; I completely forgot I was bleeding from there too. "I'm sorry, I didn’t mean to make a mess." I mumbled, avoiding eye contact. I noticed that my blood was dripping on the floor staining the white marble floors.   
"Shut up. I don’t give a shit if you make a mess, you can clean it later." He replied coldly, so he was back to being the 'asshole' who didn’t care about anything or anyone. How refreshing. 

We went on in silence for a few more minutes as he kept dabbing at my head, as a pathetic attempt to stop the bleeding, head wounds always bled the most. Something started to build up in his eyes, it looked like anger; so he was angry with me. I knew it. I dropped my head a little more in defeat, Levi seemed to notice because he let out a sigh and put the towel down on the matching white marble counter tops. 

"Eren, why didn’t you tell me." He almost yelled at me, I was so taken back by this. It took a few seconds for things to set in and make sense, he was talking about my mumbling about going back there, it sunk in that he was concerned, not mad.

"I'm sorry sir." Was the only response that I could think of, he obviously thought it was pathetic. 

"I cant believe I didn’t see what the isolation was doing to you, me of all people." He huffed as if to reflect on his past, then he dropped his head in some sad way of apologizing. "Can you tell me about what scares you, I heard it helps to talk." He mumbled begrudgingly, my eyes widened in shock at that statement, I couldn't pinpoint one thing that was scaring me. 

"Everything scares me Captain, I'm afraid of myself, I can't save the people I love most, I can’t protect them. They just keep leaving me or dying. I-I don’t want to hurt anyone" my voice shook as I spoke, "I cant hurt anyone." 

The words seemed to set something off in Levi, he looked up at me, "I swear to you Eren Jaeger, I will not let that happen." I looked away from his intense gaze, and down toward the floor where my blood was starting to pool. 

"How can I trust you if I can't trust myself." I countered. 

He grabbed my should and forced me to look at him, "Put your trust in me and I will put my trust in you. You will trust me because I am Humanities Strongest, and I will put all my trust in you because you are our last hope." 

I believed him.


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I didn’t want to believe that that man who was in front of me was actually a living breathing human, it made things so much more complicated. But still something inside my dark, cold heart lurched. He was scared, he didn’t know why he was like how he was. All he wanted to do was help humanity, and now discovering that he might be the same thing that brought it to the brink of devastation. I couldn’t even begin to imagine how that might feel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys so sorry I have updated in TWO WEEKS holy crap! Sorry I had so much going on and I was really struggling to write from Levi's POV but I finally cracked down and wrote this chapter its really short, but I will returning to Erens POV and we will maybe get a kiss soon?? the next chapter will be coming at you all super fast! because I will be in the car on a road trip for 20 hours and have nothing to do other than write! Well thank you for all reading! PLEASE LEAVE ME COMMENTS ON WHAT YOU THINK/SUGGESTIONS! alright resd on I love you all! (OH ALSO I HAVE A BETA EDITING THIS HER NAME IS ABBY!)

Chapter Four  
Levi's POV

I was so infuriated. I let this happen, under my watch one of my own soldiers get to an in mentally healthy state. I never even considered how Eren felt, I just saw him as a monster that could be used to win this war, I never saw him as more than a tool for Erwin or I to use. Seeing him shutter on the floor with blood pooling around him truly made me see that he was a living, breathing person. 

I didn’t want to believe that that man who was in front of me was actually a living breathing human, it made things so much more complicated. But still something inside my dark, cold heart lurched. He was scared, he didn’t know why he was like how he was. All he wanted to do was help humanity, and now discovering that he might be the same thing that brought it to the brink of devastation. I couldn’t even begin to imagine how that might feel. 

"I'm sorry." a small fragile whisper escaped from his lips. I was still dabbing the blood off of his head, there was just so much blood. The cut itself was around four inches in length right alongside his temple, it was very deep but it was so close to a major blood vein, that made it bleed like crazy.

"None of this is your fault." I said, shocked at how warm my voice sounded, I haven't been able to make myself sound like I have emotions for years, mainly because I don’t have emotions. This life that I lead is one that cant allow you to feel anything too personally, or else you'd rip yourself apart. 

Without my minds permission, I pulled his good arm around my waist and wraps my own arms around his shoulder, pulling him into an embrace. His skin was so soft to the touch, but he was firm with muscle and radiated body heat. I could feel something wet against my shirt; at first I thought that it was blood, but then realized that it was in fact Eren's tears moistening my shirt. 

"I just don’t want to be a monster, I don’t want to be like this." I could barely make out words because his mouth was muffled in my chest. "You're not alone brat, you have me now." That was all it took apparently because he looked up at me and smiled a beautiful smile through those tears. 

I finished bandaging him up and led him over to my bed where I sat him down and told him to stay there, because I needed to get to training before those shits ruined everything. Right as I was about to leave I felt Eren grab my hand, I yanked it away not used to physical touch. 

"Sorry Heichou." I shuttered at his "pet name" for me, another disgusting sign of human emotion, "I just want to say thank you for you know, dealing with my emotional breakdown, I really appreciate everything you do and how much you care about your team."

"I don’t care about them. They are just good fighters, that’s why they are here." I spat out, trying to keep my asshole aura intact.

"I know you do Captain." He whispered. I turned away and quickly moved towards the door, he was already starting to see through my façade. 

I was practically running to the training ground to try to get away from all the emotions that had pent up from the past hour. I tumbled to a stop and gasped for air, not because I was tired from running but because Eren made me forget how to breathe. With my hands pressed on my knees and my head bent over I let a loud curse word before falling to the ground. Why in the world was I getting all worked up over some stupid, why did I care about him so much only after knowing him for a short while. The way he looked so desperate and hallow, like he has no reason for existence. I knew that feeling better than anybody else. I clamped a hand over my chest right where my heart was, it felt like something was wrapping around it and constricting it. I didn’t even know why I was acting like this, why was I making such a fuss over this small thing.

But it wasn’t just a small thing was it?

*******************************************************************************************************************************************

I tried to focus on my training but my thoughts kept wandering off to the person I left in my bedroom. Was he okay? Was he having another panic attack? Everyone else could tell I was pretty distracted but being the good little assholes they are, they didn’t say a word to me. Today we were focusing on cleaning up our skills with our 3DMG, zipping from tree to tree slices the necks of dummy titans to make sure we still had impeccable aim. Of course we still did, but it was still necessary to fine tune them every once and awhile. 

Gliding through the trees always made me feel free, I wasn’t only limited to the ground. The sky was the limit quite literally, I chuckled at that making sure no one saw my smile. It was a rare occasion when I smiled nowadays, I couldn’t feel happy or joy after all the shit that I have been through.

Especially after them. Isabel and Farlan. Why did I deserve to be happy when they were dead. So I lost myself and any shred of happiness in grief of them. As time went on the pain of not having them around me dulled, but never went away. Sometimes I would catch myself thumbing the wings that I took from their uniform, those days were worse than most. The sadness hit me like wave and I didn’t know how to cope, but eventually I found my ways. 

"Levi?" Hanji glided down next to me, she was the closest thing to a family that I had now, though I would never admit it. She seemed to notice that she disturbed me from my thought. "How is he?" she was referring to Eren. 

"All I cant tell is that he suffered some horrible past trauma, and he relapsed probably, he is stable now. But I suspended him of all his duties today." I explained to her, she looked so relieved. Hanji cared about that kid so much it was disgusting. 

"Phew, he gave me a real scare. Levi." She said in a more serious tone, "He cant stay down there, I think it has something has to do with his past, either way he cannot stay down there and I will not let him." I let out a sigh, I already thought this through, Eren would have no more nights in the basement. 

"Hanji, I wasn’t going to let him go back to the basement, but he still needs to be under constant surveillance, so he will need to sleep in one of the officers room, do you mind?" The scientist seemed thrilled at the idea of having Eren stay with her, a little too happy. "OF COURSE!" She literally screamed right in my ear. I hope I wouldn’t regret this.


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Say Eren, do you have anyone special to write to, a lucky lady maybe?" Petra asks with hope in her eyes that I would say no and she could have me all for herself. I felt something build up inside, oh god its only been a week and they are asking about this? I couldn’t lie.  
> "No I don’t really date." I said trying to end the conversation before it got too sticky.  
> "Awh why not? You're handsome and smart what's not to love?" Petra countered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALRIGHT GUYS FIVE CHAPTERS! we are finally getting into the plot and into the angst! I hope you like the chapter the next one should be up fairly soon within the next day or two! keep commenting I love to hear what you guys have to think and talking to all of you wonderful creatures. OK ENJOY

Chapter 5  
Erens POV

 

I was sitting on his bed. Captain Levi's bed, I know I shouldn’t even think twice about it because I was just here because I literally had a mental breakdown. But I mean who could blame me? Being shoved in that hell hole that reminded me so much of that place. That place I swear I would never think of again, but here it was on the outskirts of my mind. Needles, blood, all those people who I couldn’t force myself to put a face to. 

I had to stop myself from thinking those things, I dropped my feet on the cold, dark wood floors and started making my way to the bathroom, It hurt to walk due to my knees being 50 shades of fucked up, although my accelerated healing had started to kick in, and I was feeling at least a little better than before. 

I walked into the bathroom and turned on the steel faucet, letting the ice cold water flood down onto my hands. I cupped my hands then let the water pool up and splashed it on my face, refreshing myself and clearing my mind of all previous thoughts of that place. I suddenly felt overwhelmed with fatigue and slid down to sit on the floor of his bathroom, I tried to fight my eyes from closing but it was a hopeless battle. Soon I was drifting into a deep sleep. 

I felt something cold brush my cheek, and run down my chin slowly and cup my face. I was met with Captain Levi's eyes, they seemed to be searching for something in mine. Like the secrets of the universe were in my emerald eyes. My hands were on his waist and moving lower, he shuddered at my touch. 

"Eren." he whispered my name, how sweet my name felt on his lips. I wanted to hear it come out of him again and again, but the Captain had different ideas, he closed the distance between our face and-

"He's kind of cute when he sleeps isn't he, Levi?" Whisper/squealed Hanji.

"Oh yeah, totally fucking adorable that the kid fell asleep on the floor." Captain Levi tsked, probably contemplating how disgusting that was.

I was slowly coming out of my dreamy state and started blinked my eyes open, confused where I was at first. Oh right Captain's bathroom floor, this probably looked weird but I had no explanation for it. Then my heart stopped, I remembered the dream I had, why was my mind conjuring up such stupid and impossible thoughts that could never happen. More importantly, why with Captain Levi? This was not good and I forced them out of my mind, I couldn't be thinking dirty things about him.

My thought was interrupted with Hanji pulling me to my feet, I quickly slumped back to the ground letting out a gasp, she grabbed my hurt shoulder and in the process probably damaged it further.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry Eren I completely forgot all about it!" Hanji was clearly feeling terrible because her lip was quivering and tears threatening to spill from her eyes. 

"Don’t worry about it" I said more confidently than I felt, "I'm fine." I assured her even through my shoulder was telling me a different story. 

"Alright now that we've had this touching moment, I am ready to eat so lets all go and not keep the rest of the squad waiting, you shits." Levi said as he was already walking out of the room. I forced myself onto my feet, my knees were feeling a lot better and my head almost didn’t hurt at all anymore. I was walking next to Hanji as she was looking at me."I'm astounded by your healing powers, your head has almost completely healed and you're already walking with only a minimal limp. Maybe tomorrow we can go through some test to measure your healing capabilities?" Hanji was drooling over me at the mere thought of science.

"Oh yeah sure, anything I can do to help." I said, I really wanted to help the efforts and finally end all the titans, in fact it was more only reason to go on after what happened to me. I pushed those thoughts out of my mind and sat down in my spot at the table. All plates had already been served and we were eating a simple meal tonight. Flavored bread, soup, and a potato. Typical field rations, I actually liked them, they were better than anything that I had as a kid.

The squad was quite talkative tonight, talking about how awesome training was and how everyone was so together, I was jealous and mad at myself that I wasn’t out there with them. But I would make up for it, I would be as good as they were, I would not hold them back. 

"In a week we are going on an expedition, its highly dangerous, the projected casualties are high so do not underestimate this. Write home or whatever you do." Captain Levi said solemnly.

"Captain you say that every mission but we always back unhurt." Petra said, something glistening in her eyes. She was shot a glare from Levi that she just brushed off with a giggle.

"Say Eren, do you have anyone special to write to, a lucky lady maybe?" Petra asks with hope in her eyes that I would say no and she could have me all for herself. I felt something build up inside, oh god its only been a week and they are asking about this? I couldn’t lie.

"No I don’t really date." I said trying to end the conversation before it got too sticky.

"Awh why not? You're handsome and smart what's not to love?" Petra countered

Honestly I had girls swooning over me left and right, but I never had interest. "They weren't the problem" I rubbed my neck and chuckled.

"Then what?" She continued to press.

"Uh, I don’t really date girls." I let out in a whisper, everyone at the table stopped talking and looked at me for a dew seconds before bursting out laughter, Gunther sighed in defeat and pressed a bill into Erd's hand as he beamed. Did they bet on whether or not I was gay? 

"We made a bet on if you would date Petra." Erd said between gasps from laughing, "We don’t care if you're gay or straight, hell as long as you can fight you're family." My faced flushing as everyone was smiling at me, I had never had people be this accepting towards me. 

"Levi's gay as fuck too, ya know?" Hanji let out with ease, obvious with a double motive. 

I saw a black flash from the end of the table and in an instant, Levi was there at Hanji's throat with a knife pressed up against it, "Don't even think about it." He growled, she let out a wild laugh and he let the blade down and almost looked like he was having a good time, almost. 

"Well do you have boyfriend Eren?" Petra asked, obvious not offended by my sexual preference.

"No, not really. I've only kissed one guy and he was my best friend." I laughed at the thought, Armin and I trying to figure out who we were at our sleepover, and occasionally kissing one another. It was nothing more than platonic and never resulted in more than kissing. 

"The blonde kid?" Levi asked casually, I wondered what he knew about him.

"Yeah." I replied rubbing my neck again. 

"Interesting." He said dropping the conversation, Captain Levi had such beautiful eyes, so deep and wonderful. My eyes widened and I looked away from him immediately, I did not have a pathetic crush on my Commanding Officer! That was idiotic. 

We finished dinner and cleaned up everything, and I was briefed that I would no longer be held hostage in the basement, that I would now be sharing a room with Hanji. I was so relieved that I was never going back there that a few tears slipped from my eyes, I hid them before anyone saw, but I knew by the look that Captain Levi gave me that he saw them. Hanji and I were walking up to her room and she was talking about all kinds of things that they would test tomorrow. I wasn’t listening at all, I kept thinking about how Erd said family, maybe I could have a second chance at family. I finally felt like a real part of the squad.


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS SMUTTING AND SAD SO DONT READ IF YOU DONT LIKE GAYNESS AND DONT READ IF YOU CAN BE TRIGGERED BY DEPRESSION, I WANT ALL OF YOU PRECIOUS CINNIMON ROLLS TO STAY HEALTHY. 
> 
> Alright short summary, Levi showering and thinking dirty things and then nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys we have hit 200 HITS OMG im so thankful for everyone who reads it! I not only write for myself, I write for you guys too! So I love what you have to think! thank you for all the comments and kudos, they really make my day and motivate me to write more! Ok sorry this chapter took a few days a had to do some research because I didn't really know how to write the smut and I hope I did ok?? alright well we finally get some true Ereri moments! ENJOY GUYS PLEASE COMMENT!

Levi POV

As soon as the majority of his squad was done eating, I immediately left. I couldn’t stand in the kitchen any longer, too many things had surfaced at dinner. Eren liked men? There was no one this was true, he just seemed so. . . Not. But then again so did Erwin when I first met him, but I was clearly proven wrong when he tried to hit on me when we were both younger, which he never attempted again once I broke his nose. Then again why did it even matter if Eren was gay, its not like I had any interest in him, well I couldn’t either way. 

I followed my nightly routine, tidying up my room, making sure there was no shit left laying around. Then I wandered in the bathroom and stopped dead in my tracks, Eren's blood was still everywhere It brought back the fresh memories of earlier today, my heart sank. I hated that this happened to him, he never deserved it. I went to my closet and grabbed some disinfecting spray and towels to start cleaning up the crimson mess. Slowly but surely the blood came off of every surface. I sighed and threw the towels in the nearest waste basket, no sense in washing them, there was too much blood and it would never come out. 

After I finished my cleaning that had unfortunately taken quite a bit longer than I had hoped, I turned on my shower to full hear and started stripping off my clothes. I looked at myself in the mirror and my eyes grazed over every scar and blemish across my body. I was tainted and no good. I knew that I was never going to retire and live to an old age, I was going to die and probably soon, most people in the Survey Corps didn’t make it to retirement. But this is the life I sold my soul to. 

I made my way to the shower and it felt like Satan personally licked my asshole. I whispered quietly to myself, "Not today Satan" and turned down the knob so it would be slightly less seething. Once I was in the shower I allowed my mind to wonder to endlessly while I scrubbed the all the grime and dirt from todays work. 

I wonder what Eren would look like in the shower? I could imagine him now, water dripping off his muscles as he lathered his hair with soap, his body was a glowing tan color, beautiful. Maybe he would put a hand against the wall in frustration after a long and hard day. Dear god, the thought of him like that immediately made my member throb. How could I think of this, how could I think about Eren in this way? It wasn’t right, sure it was legal but it still didn’t seem right. But something about how he made me feel suggested otherwise. 

I guess my imagination wont hurt anyone, I let myself wander into deep lustful desires. Eren bent over, heavily panting, "Levi more, harder." God he was so delicious, "Is that how you ask?" I would imagine myself saying, putting myself in a position of power. I wanted him to beg for me.

"Please harder, ha-arder." He would stumble over his words as I thrust my aching dick inside him even further, abusing his prostate. He would let out a loud moan for me. Only for me. 

I felt my hand drift south, and grab onto to my full erect dick and grab hold, rubbing my thumb over the tip imagining it was the brats tongue grazing it. A whimper escaped from my lips, I slid my hand up and down the thick shaft, moaning out Eren's name. How could this feel right? I was starting to question if it was really wrong. But in the current situation I didn’t have the brain capacity to think of such things, my attention was demanded elsewhere. I was rapidly pumping my hand on my dick and the other was pushing against the shower wall for support. 

"Please Levi." I imagined him whimpering. 

Close. 

"I only want you." 

Closer. 

"You make me so happy." 

Almost there.

"Never leave me, you're the one I want."

So close. 

"Please be gentle, its my first time."

There. 

That fantasy threw me over the edge and my body erupted into the most intense orgasm that I have ever had. My body started shaking, cum shot all over my stomach and the floor, sending shivers up and down my back. His name was on my lips the entire time, "Eren." 

I finished my shower, but I couldn’t get that brat out of my head, everywhere I looked I saw something that reminded me of him and it was tearing me apart, I don’t get attached, I don’t care. Because people die, and just because I had feelings, oh fuck did I just admit that, for him didn’t mean that was going to keep him alive. It didn’t keep anyone alive before. I sighed, I can to the conclusion that I would just ignore what dumb connection we had at all costs.

I put on a grey pair of boxers and grey sweatpants that were a little big on me, and hug low on my hips showing my toned V-muscle. Carefully threw my uniform into the wash bin and set out a clean new one for tomorrow making sure everything was perfect, no creased out of line, no stains. I had to look impeccable. After I had decided that my uniform was pristine for tomorrow, I sulked over to my bed, and slipped up the covers. Turned off all lights and tried to force my eyes to shut and sleep, hopefully with no dreams. 

How wrong I was. 

Red. Red was all I could see. 

Screams were all I could hear. 

This was my fault, if I hadn't have left then they wouldn’t be dead. 

Bones snapping, the screams ending.   
They were dead, physically.

I was dead, emotionally.

I spun and killed them. All of them, I don’t even remember how many titans there were. But they were dead when I touched them. I would kill them all for taking my reason to live away. 

I saw my reason for existence with those beautiful eyes looking right throw me. Her head severed from her body, her face in terror. I couldn’t save her, her own "big brother" couldn’t save her. 

I saw my other reason for existing, looking up at the stars, crying. He was only a torso and a head now. I was going to tell him how I felt when we got back, I was going to tell him what he meant to me. Now he would never know, he would never know that he made my pathetic life living. 

I cant live-

"Levi! Wake up." I heard in my dream, someone was taking me away from this hell. 

"Its okay Levi, just wake up." I knew that voice, I started to unclench my eyes and felt myself in a warm embrace. 

I knew this heat, I wrapped my arms around it and let myself breathe, it felt like the first real breathe in so long. I was drowned in his scent, Eren's scent. It was him that saved me from my mind. 

"Eren?" My voice was hoarse from yelling in my sleep.

"I'm here now Heichou." He was rubbing soothing circles into my back and humming. I couldn’t force myself to push him away, I was too emotionally drained. Even thinking about Isabel and Farlan anymore hurt. The mention at their name made me leave the room. I still wasn’t over it. 

"Why are you here Eren." I said muffled in his shirt. He started to pushing away put he kept rubbing the circles in my back. 

He started rubbing the back of his neck and I could tell he was blushing just by how his body reacted, "Hanji was trying to experiment on me in my sleep, and I cant go back to that place," I felt his body stiffen at the mere thought of the basement/dungeon and wondered what happened to him, "So I came here, i-if that’s alright with you?" 

I would never admit it but I needed him here, I pulled him down to the bed still keeping his hand on my back, "Its fine you can sleep here tonight."

I could tell he wasn’t calm but he was forcing himself to be, "Captain?"

"Call me Levi brat." I said trying to keep my façade in tact.

"Are we going to talk about this?" He was referring to my dream, I was still shaking and Eren was still rubbing my back laying dangerously close to me.

"Not yet Eren, eventually maybe." I whispered he obviously caught the motion to not bring it up again. 

"Whenever you are ready. . . Levi." He sighed and I could feel him start to drift into sleep. 

And for once I did too peacefully, and I wasn’t met with nightmares.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I know people die, they die all the time. But if I am going to die, I would at least like to enjoy the life that I have right now. I want to live for me, Levi." I had no idea where these words came from, I didn't even know that I felt that way. But even since I joined Levi's squad I've felt different, I don't know if it the childish adoration of Levi had slowly turned into something more or just fighting for my life and not knowing if I was going to live another day was affecting me, but I knew that I wasn't going to regret not doing or saying things anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALRIGHT GUYS SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG ITS ABOUT TWICE AS LONG AS MY OTHER CHAPTERS SO IT TOOK AWHILE AND WHOOHOO WE ARE OVER 10,000 WORDS AND OVER 300 HITS THANK YOU ALL FOR READING PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS I LOVE THEM SOS SO SOS OS SOOSOSOSOSO MUCH. follow my tumblr for updates ichirakuramen-sage.tumblr.com . We get some fluff (a lot of fluff) and a countdown!! to what you might ask?? youll just have to read and find out! but I have a present for you at the end that will make all the sadness and pain of this chapter worth while! WARNING THERE IS SOME TRIGGERING PASSAGES DOWN BELOW ABOUT PAIN AND WHAT NOT, SO DO NOT READ IF TORTURE/PAIN IS A TRIGGER. (oh and this is all unedited because I wanted to get it out to you all ASAP so sorry for the mistakes)

Chapter Seven  
Eren's POV

Seven Days Before

The thought of something as small as waking up, taking my breathe away was never something I thought would happen. But before me was the most beautiful sight I have ever seen. Usual impeccable black hair was disheveled and laying in a million different ways across a pillow. The sun creeping through the window in beams, rested on his face making him look so vulnerable and human. His eyelids lightly closed with his long dark lashes brushing his pale cheeks, his thin wonderful lips slightly parted and curved up to form a little smile. Levi's arms were wrapped around my waist, and his head close to my chest, I could feel his bare body pressed against mine, his body was pale, and covered in scars from past battles. He's a survivor I thought to myself. I had the urge to run my fingers through his silky hair and down his cheek, I wanted to admire all of his beauty. I forced myself to stop so I wouldn’t wake him, he needed the rest after last night.

 

I'm worried about him, his dreams. Levi is haunted by his past like me, he doesn’t know how to escape it just as much as I do. I noticed his eyes start to flutter open, so I quickly closed mine and pretended to still be asleep; I didn’t want to get caught for staring at him. 

 

I could feel him slowly look up at me as he started to fully wake up. I thought he was going to push himself away and pretend like the whole thing never happened, but I was surprised when he buried his head into my chest and held me tighter. He sighed after a minute and released his death grip on me and pushed back slightly, I wanted to protest and pull him tighter towards me. Captain Levi shocked me again when I came to understanding what he was doing now, he was admiring me just like I had been doing to him a few minutes ago. However he was not shy like I was, he put a gentle hand on my face and ran it up and down soothingly; he came to a stop when his hand brushed the new forming scar from my panic attack yesterday.

 

"I'm sorry it had to be you." He whispered hoarsely still unaware I was awake, I could tell he blamed himself for it. He continued to run a finger over the scar for a minute, then stopped moving abruptly, was something wrong? Did he realize I was awake?

Levi started moving gingerly towards my face, and pressed his lips to my jaw line. It felt like lightning was sent up and down my back, all my senses were on fire, there was no way that Captain Levi would ever even think about kissing me. But here we were, with his soft sweet lips pressed against my jaw tenderly. I couldn’t pretend I was asleep anymore. 

"Levi." I whispered, letting him know I was awake. His body jerked back away from mine, trying to hide what he was just doing, he turned away from me and scooted to the other side of the enormous bed. If I had to guess what he was feeling, I would say embarrassed, due to the fact that I could see his eyes burning a bright shade of red. So even Humanities Strongest blushes, its kind of really cute, I giggled to myself.

I slowly rolled over closer to him until I was three inches away from his back, in a moment of extreme courage I placed my hand on his bare back and started rubbing circles, slowly moving closer and closer until my entire body was pressed up against his, my chest on his back, every nook fit perfectly between us. With another burst of courage I wrapped my arm around his waist and kissed his head. 

"This is stupid of you Eren, you don't get attached, people die." He murmured, though clearly not protesting my presence around him. 

"I know people die, they die all the time. But if I am going to die, I would at least like to enjoy the life that I have right now. I want to live for me, Levi." I had no idea where these words came from, I didn't even know that I felt that way. But even since I joined Levi's squad I've felt different, I don't know if it the childish adoration of Levi had slowly turned into something more or just fighting for my life and not knowing if I was going to live another day was affecting me, but I knew that I wasn't going to regret not doing or saying things anymore. 

"I don't want to regret the life I lived." I added, placing another kiss on his neck, sending shutters down his back. 

Levi suddenly relaxed and let out a sigh, "I don't know why ever since you came here, why its been hard to breathe. I wanted to view you as a weapon and a weapon only, that was the plan and you broke my fucking plan, you brat. Because I'm starting to care and I hate it. So don't get attached you piece of shit." He obviously put up his barrier again with me. He broke free of my embrace and walked over to where the bathroom was, he closed the door; all I could hear was water from the shower. 

I decided to get up too, there was a bathroom down the hall with a shower in it, so I quickly walked to Hanji's room to find it empty, thankfully. I grabbed some spare clothes from the things I brought up from the basement where I used to reside. Once I got back to the spare restroom, I started the water and stripped off my clothes from earlier. 

In the shower I found myself contemplating last night, the fear in Levi's eye tore a hole through my heart. He was hurting so much on the inside and I don’t know why, and I don’t know why it affects me so much. How he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me down to hold and comfort him, he was so vulnerable and he didn’t try to hide it. I just wonder what caused him this torment? That was a stupid thought, I quietly thought to myself, he has seen so many people die, so much death that it would drive any man insane. Not to mention, I've heard rumors that he's had a rather turbulent childhood. 

Levi was on my mind for the rest of the shower, water was dripping over my face and every time I closed my eyes, all I could see was his face when he was asleep, beautiful and innocent. He truly took my breathe away. 

I finished my shower quickly, and dressed myself in our usual uniforms. The white pants hugged my hips pretty tightly as I was growing more muscle, I still paired them with my off-white shirt with a drawstring type thing at the collar. My favorite part of the uniform was the tan leather jacket that had the Wings of Freedom on the back, it was a constant reminder of what we were fighting for. As soon as I was done getting dressed, I walked toward the kitchen to see if everyone was awake yet. 

"Morning Eren!" It was Petra, she was right behind me and heading toward the kitchen too.

"Hey Petra! How are you doing?" I asked, starting a simple conversation. 

"I'm doing really well. Hey, so-" She started to blush, "Sorry about coming onto you, I had no idea that you liked men! But I really just want to be great friends with you." She giggled shyly, I turned to her and started laughing so hard my sides hurt.

"Sorry about not telling you! I just thought it was obvious. I would really like us to be really great friends too." I could tell this was going to be the beginning of a great friendship. 

We walked in laughing and talking about stupid things, I could see that the rest of the squad was also there. We all ate a simple breakfast and Hanji was complaining about how she didn’t get any good experiments in on me last night before I ran away. I kept looking at Levi who only made eye contact with me a few time, he was back to his cold, stoic self again. I wonder if I made a mistake this morning, was he only like how he was because of his fragile state of mind yesterday. Maybe he had no real interest in me at all? I could feel my aura around me sink, and Petra seemed to notice it, "Is something wrong?" She whispered so no one could hear.

"No, I just thought of something that doesn’t mean anything." That was really vague but its all I could give her, and she seemed to understand. 

After we finished training, everyone was supposed to go train in the fields, and Hanji, Levi and I were to go do experiments out in the field, I hadn't told anyone but I really wanted to know what were the extent of my powers too. 

Once we were far enough away from the buildings, and in an open space Hanji was practically drooling and telling me what we were going to be doing today.

"We are going to test your human limits first, so we might have a better idea on what happens when you are a Titan. It probably going to hurt a lot, is that okay Eren?" She basically screamed in excitement. 

I had expected that the experimenting would hurt a lot and prepared myself for it beforehand. "Yeah, I trust you not to kill me, not like you could even if you tried." I let out a chuckle trying to play it off like I wasn’t scared, but in reality I was terrified on what she was going to do to me. 

"Okay, we are going to start with healing capabilities. Levi hand me the scalpel please." She was breathing heavily now that we were finally starting. 

"What the fuck do you think you're going to fucking do with that, shit eyes." Levi was obviously mad, didn’t he know that the point here was to hurt me, but I didn’t think he would get worried.

"We are just going to make some cuts okay? If he starts bleeding, we will have him turn and heal himself immediately Levi." She explained to him, he didn’t seem happy with the idea but he also didn’t fight it. 

She asked me to remove my shirt and I did with no hesitation, she first only made a small cut that barely bled before it immediately healed leaving no mark or scab. She screamed in excitement then started writing things down furiously in her notebook. She wasted no time to make her second cut which was about twice as deep, it bled for about ten seconds before it closed and healed, leaving only a very faint red mark that disappeared in a few minutes. 

"Eren I want you to lay on the mat" She placed a small mat on the floor and pointed to it, "And Levi I want you to hold him down." My heart dropped a little now, the first few cuts only hurt a bit, but I knew it wasn’t going to be this easy forever.

"Aren’t you going to numb him or something?" Levi's voice was dark and his eyes darker, he was mad. 

"Unfortunately we need to test his pain tolerance too." Hanji said with a little sadness in her voice, she felt bad for me. 

"Heichou, its okay." I forced myself to smile even though my eyes showed all my fear. 

Levi grabbed my arms and held them down, his thumb rubbing soothing circles into my bicep. I would have relished the touch if I wasn’t overwhelmed in pain. I closed my eyes and only saw red, I could only feel the pain. I hear my screams, but I couldn’t feel my throat making them. I could finally isolate my pain, it came from my left foot, what I couldn’t feel were my toes, I guess Hanji had removed them to see if they'd grow back. The pain was multiplied when I felt it on my other leg, I let out another soul ripping scream. I tried to focus on something, anything to ease the pain. 

Just at that second I felt the small circles being rubbed into my flexed struggling arms. 

Levi.

I focused on those small circles, they were the only thing that kept me sane during the rest of the experimenting. At the end of the session, I had lost all my toes, which did not grow back, had all my major arteries cut, which healed before any serious damage was done, and all the bones in my left hand and arm were broken, which thankfully were starting to heal, but much slower than the skin wounds. 

"Eren, we are done. I need you to shift to fully heal you okay?" I could hear Levi's voice right next to my ear speaking gently.

"No, I don’t want to be a monster. Don’t make me, please Levi don’t." I heard myself say, tears were streaming down my face.

"You're not a monster, but I need you to heal, can you do that for me? Please Eren." His voice had sadness in it.

"Get away, both of you." I said with all the strength I had left, I slowly brought my right hand up to my mouth, choking back sobs and bit down. 

I blacked out, all I could remember was someone was cutting me out of the monster I had become, calling my name over and over again. I remember their arms closing around me and picking me up.

******

I woke up in a bed that felt strangely familiar, I was only wearing boxers that I put on that morning. I looked around but my eyes were hazy, sitting on a chair reading a book was none other than Captain Levi.

"Heichou, what happened? Do I have toes?" I laughed gently, I could feel all of my toes again.

"You blacked out and I brought you here, and yes you little shit, you have all ten nasty toes." He tried to act like an asshole but I could see that he was a mess, his hair was uncombed and he had bags under his eyes.

"What time is it?" I asked, because there was no light coming from out the window.

"2 AM." He replied, he took off his shirt and pants, I would have freaked out and stuttered if it weren't for the head splitting headache I was having. So I settled for my cheeks turning into a bright shade of red. He walked on the other side of bed and got under the covers. I thought he was going to stay on his side of the bed, but I was surprised when he rolled over and placed his head on my chest.

"You will be sleeping here for the duration of your time here." He said coldly or at least he tried, his voice faltered halfway through. I wrapped my arms around him pulling him closer. 

My heart was racing, he was so close and I wanted nothing more than to feel his lips pressed against mine. 

"I'm okay Heichou. I really am." I could tell he was worried, "You helped me get through this today, so thank you." 

He broke free of my arms and looked directly into my eyes, "Eren, this shouldn’t happen to you, you shouldn’t have to be poked and prodded like some animal, you're a fucking human for fucks sake. Seeing you like that-" He turned his head away from me. I grabbed his face and turned it back towards me, and brought his lips on mine. It felt like shocks of electricity were pulsing through my body, all my senses were heightened, he lips were so soft and delicate. Levi kissed me back and laced his fingers through my hair, his tongue was poking for entrance to mouth, I let him in and I felt our hearts beating at the same rate. I pulled away and start placing gentle innocent kisses down his neck.

"You acknowledge me as a human and that’s enough to keep me sane through any of these experiments" I admitted while my face was still buried in his neck, he pulled me up into another soft kiss and sighed.

"I will protect you Eren." I heard him say as he snuggled back into my embrace.

That night I fell asleep content, with Levi in my arms.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ugh sorry I haven't updated in TWO WHOLE WEEKS. I suck haha, i just started school and moved so I've been completely busy but here it is and it's a shorts long chapter so I hope you like it! It gets pretty suggestive at the end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait I have been so busy with starting school and moving but here it is! PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS ON YOUR THOUGHTS

Chapter Eight  
Levi's POV

Six Days Before

 

That night I had nightmares, but they were not the ones that usually plagued my mind. No longer was I seeing Isabel and Farlan's mangled bodies, but Eren's. His Titan corpse not far from his beautiful human body. Blood oozing out of every opening in his body; eyes, mouth, nose, ears. His eyes were dead set on mine, like I was the last thing he looked at. 

I heard the bone chilling thunder of Titan footsteps approaching him, and taking his lifeless body away from me, Eren's soft, gentle, sweet, green eyes still ripping holes through my soul. My heart was on fire, convulsing inside my chest. 

No.

No.

No.

I felt my knees hit the dream world ground, I felt no pain; I don’t know if this was due to being in the dream state or that my soul had just been torn out and taken along with that brat Eren. I don’t recall let out a scream but I could hear it, accompanied by slipping away from that hell. 

I was being shaken by none other than the brat Eren Yeager. Once he was satisfied with my half conscious state he pulled my entire body on top of him and wrapped his arms tightly around my waist, my face was buried right below his neck.

"Are you okay?" He whispered barely enough for me to hear, but I could make out that he just woke up by the husky sound of his voice. God he was so sexy even when he just woke up. I resisted the almost overpowering urge to look up and see what he looked like right now.

"I'm okay, don’t worry about me Eren." I said with my asshole persona already in tact. 

He stiffened, I assume I already hit a nerve, "Don’t tell me not to worry about you. Don’t say that I can’t not worry about you Levi.."

"This is new to me." I admired quietly, just barely loud enough for him to hear. It felt weird to have someone who worried about me, I was so used to having to be alone and try not to care. But with him it's different, every emotion that I tried to push away these past few years was slowly coming back, he was forcing me to feel again, and I couldn't say that I minded. 

"It's new to me too" Eren whispered almost as quietly as me. His arms were still on my waist, he tightened his grip slightly so show some stupid sign of comfort. 

"We need to get up, the squad who will be assisting us is due to arrive today. I heard they are a bunch of kids fresh out of training, I will never understand why Erwin likes to throw them right out there." I sighed, I hated the fact that Erwin, from the beginning weeded out the week by sending them on a dangerous mission. I let out a rather loud swear, "fuck. That asshole Erwin is fucking coming with them today." 

I visibly tensed up, the thought of him being near me made my blood run cold. I respected him as a leader, but as a person I detested him. He made questionable decisions that have threatened the lives of his men and didn't give a second thought. I wonder if all the death he has caused makes him lose sleep at night? If he even cares at all. 

Eren sensing my mood swing, lessened his grip and let me get up from my spot on his chest. He understood that we needed to get ready for the day. I was already turning on the shower when I heard Eren stumble up out of the bed and grab for his clean clothes out of the drawer I let him have. He had been taking showers in the bathroom that was across the hall, like my shower was a sort of taboo to him. I chuckled, it was ridiculous he was sleeping in my bed and snuggling me for gods sake and he can't take a shower in my shower. It was innocent and sweet I suppose. 

"Oi brat. My shower doesn't bite." I let the words slip off my tongue before I even really thought about what exactly I was saying. 

"Sorry heichou, I just didn't know if I was allowed to uh shower in there." I could hear the awkward tone in his voice, he was so easy to to intimidate. 

I returned to my shower after he replied, I stripped from my only clothes; boxers. The water wasn't quite warm enough to get in yet so I just stood I front of the mirror looking at all the scars that lined up my body, and the tattoo that hidden on my waist on my left side right where my legs meet my abdomen. 

I decided to take a quick shower, still being thorough with cleaning myself. Dirt and filth absolutely disgusted me, any speck on me was repulsive. It was a bad tendency I had picked up. But I guess I could never clean the blood that forever stained my hands. 

As soon as I was dry I walked into the room to find the bed made up as best as one green eyes dweeb could do and a note on my pillow. It had a few drawing of a person walking down stairs and a heart. I was so fucking confused so I decided not to dwell on it, but still I felt compelled to put that note in the front pocket of my uniform to keep it safe. 

Breakfast was normal that day, but I could feel everyone's jitters, getting new recruits was always bittersweet. Because we knew that half of them wouldn't live to see the next expedition that we went on. Eren especially seemed to be an emotional reck, He was pulling at that ugly key he always kept around his neck, and was nibbling at his hand; thankfully not hard enough to cause a transformation. I made a mental note to pull him aside before the recruits got here. 

******

I was back in our room. Fuck when did I start calling my bedroom our room? Eren was only staying here because he couldn't be trusted alone. Right? 

Eren strolled in and I immediately snapped back my attention. 

"Is something wrong Captain?" He said sounding slightly worried. 

"Nothing. I just wanted to ask you, what the fuck is this?" I pulled the drawing out from my front pocket and pushed it towards his face. He seemed to look shocked that I held onto his little drawing. 

"Oh, well my father never taught me how to read or write, so I try to draw pictures to convey what I mean." Eren turned his face away from me, hiding his embarrassment for not being about able to read or write. My heart sank a little, he didn't think he was good enough. 

"I could try to teach you some stuff" I said not letting my voice waver. 

"Really? That would be amazing!" He flung his arms around me and planted a soft but menaingful kiss on my lips. I wasn't about to let go of him now, his lips caused a chain reaction from me driving me wild. I forced my tongue into his compliant mouth and swirled it around, brushing his tongue then pulling out slightly to lick his bottom lip before biting down on it. He moans ever so slightly into my mouth, I felt a little twitch in my dick. God I hope I don't get a hard on right now the new recruits will be here any moment. 

I didn't want to pull away mainly because I wanted to finish what I started, and because I wanted Eren in the most selfish of ways. 

"Tonight." That was the only word I was going to give him. But he acted like that word was the best thing that anyone has ever said. 

We walked out of the room and down the small set of stairs to the kitchen and then down another small set that let to the door way. The doors to the castle were huge and rustic, I swear they could ducking break at any given moment. 

Hanji was already pushing them open squealing that she was so excited to see the newbies. 

"I hope they have good talent, oh maybe I'll get a sciencey one that will help me with experiments" she was practically screaming in pleasure at that thought. 

"No way in fuck is some fresh out of training recruit going to get near the brat with a scalpel" I spat out with way more venom then I originally intended on using. Everyone had noticed that lately I had been a lot more protective of one, Eren Yaeger, but honestly I could care less. All I cared about was his safely and making sure he saw a second expedition. 

"I received word yesterday that we will be getting 7 recruits to help us." Petra was always on top of things, she was my right hand woman. I have no clue what I would do without her.

We all stood outside in an awkward silence for a few minutes till we heard the sound of thundering gallops that only came from our mutant horses. They were kind in spirit and always seemed to attach onto their masters, a survey corps horse would never leave his master, even after death. 

I saw 8 shadows ride closer and closer until they broke their gait and slowed to a trot. My impressions of the new brats was already low. A blonde haired boy who looked more like a girl was riding and talking up a storm next to none other than the asshole Erwin. A dark shadowing girl with a maroon scarf followed uneasily close behind him, watching at the ready to rip Erwin's head off, if he said something wrong. I liked her. Then there was a brown haired girl stuffing her face with food and talking to a bald big looking baby who seemed to worship the floor she walked on. Nope don't like them. Following suit behind them was a two-tonal asshole who resembled a horse. Stay out of my way and we will be fine. And lastly a blonde haired fragile girl and what seemed to be some freckled brown haired bodyguard looking girl were trailing behind the group, stealing loving glances from each other. Great another gay couple. 

I heard a gasp behind me, I looked behind me and saw Eren breathing heavily and a tear fall from his gorgeous eye. 

"No." He whispered, I seemed to be the only one that heard it. 

"What happened Eren." I was quickly by his side, unknowingly I sling an arm around his waist and pulled him several inches closer. 

"That's my sister and all my best friends."

I finally understood, the new recruits had all joined the survey corps. And some of them would--

"They aren't all going to make it are they?" The sound was so weak that came from his mouth it completely shattered my heart. 

"I'm sorry Eren." That was all I could say, because I too knew they was nothing you could say when your world was falling apart.


End file.
